Five Days

I am writing as I continue to recover from my five-day bender. Day’s full of experiences that seem straight out of a movie script. I’ve witnessed some crazy things and have contemplated what my life is becoming. The more I process it, the more I realize that I am finally starting to feel alive. I don’t know what phase I’m in and I’m not quick to figure it out. For so long, I had to have answers to everything. Everything about me was so calculated as if I was creating this specific person I wanted to be inside my head. A lot of that probably comes from feeling so restricted in my growing years. One could contemplate my new habit of going out and getting home at seven am is self-destructing. Maybe it is, but I would like to give myself the chance to live and learn. It’s so fulfilling to have a life outside of working and going to school. I felt like everyday was just passing me by, having no substance to it. In no way am I trying to say that going out suddenly is my remedy for feeling human again, it just feels so damn good to be psyched out by the lights and music. Becoming friends with people of all ages, professions, ethnic backgrounds and so much more. It seems like we as people can just let go when we are in those spaces. I don’t know where my career is going to take me, but I hope it’s far and rewardable. I want my people back home to know what it feels like to live and not be consumed by life’s challenges. We are in charge of our quality of life, and self fufillment is so important. I will continue to do my best in everything. But especially in showing up. I don’t want life to pass me by.